By E. B.
I left my nanny position for many reasons, but
essentially because I didn't like how I felt when I was in that house.
The list could start and go on and on, but if I were to pinpoint one
reason, right now, I would say it was whenever my boss would say, "but
that's what nannying/children/the world/life is/are/do." None of those
things are a reason I do anything, nor is it a reason I should do
anything. So I left, with the hope that I could find something better.
And for the record, ANYTHING pays better than that gig.
It started with a need. I had a material need of
money. I had a little tiny bit of savings, and had been applying and
interviewing for the next job. I'd really like to be able to settle. To
be here. My days of chasing things behind me. Build a life. Have a
family.
As the days of rejection rolled on, I began to
realize I needed some help. With General Conference days away, I added
this need to my prepared list of things I wanted an answer for. Did I
believe a general authority was going to say where I should get a job?
No. But I knew that if I didn't ask, I couldn't fault the Lord by not
answering. I asked, hoping and expecting Him to give me something to
work with.
After the Saturday sessions I had all my
initial questions answered...except this money question. I finished the
sessions hopeful that Sunday would bring more answers, and opened my
email to find a rather random invitation from my aunt in California to
come work for a resort nearby her home that she had noticed was hiring
seasonal help. Was I interested? Of course I was. I wasn't so daft not
to realize an answer to prayer.
I did a little digging and realized there was more
leg work to this answer. My aunt didn't know more about the job(s) than
what she had initially told me, and California is a really long way to
go for not even a maybe seasonal position. I felt confused--not a stupor of thought confused. Just confused. So I went to the temple, and I felt
reassured that California was my answer.
I sent of my resume and a great cover letter and
prayed and hoped...and nothing. Meanwhile other, really great
opportunities opened up here, and staying here and working and settling
down makes sense. California, as right as it felt, just does not make
sense.
Here's the thing: this is not my first rodeo. Nor is
it the first time I have picked up and moved based on feeling like I
should be elsewhere. While I have grown spiritually each time, and have
come away with a clear understanding of what I gained in said move, it
does not look good on paper, and it makes it really hard to find a
decent paying job. It also makes it hard to have a stable, healthy
relationship.
Here is another thing: When I was 19 and seeking
direction, I received the first of many strongly worded blessings from a
dear home teacher, advising me that even Abraham wandered before
finding eternal life. That is not what a 19 year old wants to hear, and
then, like now, leaving where I was and the plan I had, did not make
sense.
I fasted, wanting to feel sure about it. Following
the fast, the resort called back, wanting more information on my
availability. Even then, without a job offer, it doesn't make sense to
me. And I told the Lord that. I told him I wasn't going. I was going to
stay and try to make this work. Because that makes sense to me.
He made things really hard really fast at that
point. I was plunged into a little hell of my own making, to which I
came out tired and sobbing and a red, puffy mess. And also significantly
humbled and chastened. I decided I needed a blessing, and in my raw and
bitter, maybe even still bleeding state, my bishop laid his hands on my
head and gave the word-for-word direct order that I should go to
California. And the special reminder that even Abraham wandered before
finding eternal life.
So, off I go. To California. Because the Lord told me to. A new adventure awaits!
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