Mothers’ Day Confession

By Lydia R. Gettys

Prepare for a confession.  

I spent several years of motherhood completely despising Mother’s Day.  If asked, I really couldn’t put my finger on what it was that upset me.  Now I know.

First, it seemed to me that one out of 365 days was too slim a time frame to command respect and appreciation.  Thankfully, my dear son recently clarified this as a perception problem on my part.  In the same way we don’t confine our reverence for the Savior to Christmas and Easter, a mother’s children honor her throughout the year, using Mother’s Day as a special excuse to celebrate her.  Well put, and I appreciate his sentiment very much.

Second, and more troubling, is that Mother’s Day tributes tend to honor perfect mothers.  And, um . . . , I’m not perfect.  Are you?  The resulting effect for me was a heavy burden of guilt for not measuring up.  Despite having a clear understanding of individual worth and the Lord’s mercy as we strive to improve, I was bamboozled by the image of The Perfect Mother.  Does she really exist?  Well, more on that later.

Instead of focusing on the image, I needed to shift my focus to the pattern.  Show me a beautiful dress, ask me to make it, and it won’t get done.  Hand me the pattern, and I can get to work.  See the difference?  I am grateful that in these latter days, the Lord has revealed His pattern for families.  He lovingly accepts that not everyone has all the pieces, but will help us in our efforts to follow His instructions.  I love that!  Here are some good talks on patterns from General Conferences: Home and Family: A Divine Eternal Pattern; A Pattern in All Things; Strengthen Home and Family.

We each have our own set of experience, temperament, and skills as we work out our patterns.  No two families will turn out the same, yet each will turn out beautifully in the end.  Over the years, I have developed a firm testimony that family members are put together for good reasons.  No matter how you came into your family, or the trials you may have endured there, the Lord had His purposes to plant you where you could best grow.  

The other week I asked a friend to picture if her sister could have been raised by her mother-in-law, or her sister-in-law by her own mother.  No!  That was not at all possible.

Each mother possesses just the mix of abilities that the Lord intends her child to benefit from.  So, in that way, we are each The Perfect Mother, despite our flaws.   Believe it! Embrace it!  Trust your instincts on how to nurture your children.  Your particular talents, ways to teach, temperament, world view, education, etc. are just what they need, quirks and all.

There is no point in comparing myself to the mother being idolized at the pulpit or the mother in the next pew.  She has her assignment, and I have mine to prayerfully fulfill.  We cannot fairly judge one another, and that’s fine, because that job is already taken by the One who loves us all.

This year I will allow myself, warts and all, to bask in the celebration of my favorite job - Motherhood!

Essays on Journeys Part 2: Getting the Assignment

By E. B.

I left my nanny position for many reasons, but essentially because I didn't like how I felt when I was in that house. The list could start and go on and on, but if I were to pinpoint one reason, right now, I would say it was whenever my boss would say, "but that's what nannying/children/the world/life is/are/do." None of those things are a reason I do anything, nor is it a reason I should do anything. So I left, with the hope that I could find something better. And for the record, ANYTHING pays better than that gig.

It started with a need. I had a material need of money. I had a little tiny bit of savings, and had been applying and interviewing for the next job. I'd really like to be able to settle. To be here. My days of chasing things behind me. Build a life. Have a family.

As the days of rejection rolled on, I began to realize I needed some help. With General Conference days away, I added this need to my prepared list of things I wanted an answer for. Did I believe a general authority was going to say where I should get a job? No. But I knew that if I didn't ask, I couldn't fault the Lord by not answering. I asked, hoping and expecting Him to give me something to work with.

After the Saturday sessions I had all my initial questions answered...except this money question. I finished the sessions hopeful that Sunday would bring more answers, and opened my email to find a rather random invitation from my aunt in California to come work for a resort nearby her home that she had noticed was hiring seasonal help. Was I interested? Of course I was. I wasn't so daft not to realize an answer to prayer.

I did a little digging and realized there was more leg work to this answer. My aunt didn't know more about the job(s) than what she had initially told me, and California is a really long way to go for not even a maybe seasonal position. I felt confused--not a stupor of thought confused. Just confused. So I went to the temple, and I felt reassured that California was my answer.

I sent of my resume and a great cover letter and prayed and hoped...and nothing. Meanwhile other, really great opportunities opened up here, and staying here and working and settling down makes sense. California, as right as it felt, just does not make sense.

Here's the thing: this is not my first rodeo. Nor is it the first time I have picked up and moved based on feeling like I should be elsewhere. While I have grown spiritually each time, and have come away with a clear understanding of what I gained in said move, it does not look good on paper, and it makes it really hard to find a decent paying job. It also makes it hard to have a stable, healthy relationship.

Here is another thing: When I was 19 and seeking direction, I received the first of many strongly worded blessings from a dear home teacher, advising me that even Abraham wandered before finding eternal life. That is not what a 19 year old wants to hear, and then, like now, leaving where I was and the plan I had, did not make sense.

I fasted, wanting to feel sure about it. Following the fast, the resort called back, wanting more information on my availability. Even then, without a job offer, it doesn't make sense to me. And I told the Lord that. I told him I wasn't going. I was going to stay and try to make this work. Because that makes sense to me.

He made things really hard really fast at that point. I was plunged into a little hell of my own making, to which I came out tired and sobbing and a red, puffy mess. And also significantly humbled and chastened. I decided I needed a blessing, and in my raw and bitter, maybe even still bleeding state, my bishop laid his hands on my head and gave the word-for-word direct order that I should go to California. And the special reminder that even Abraham wandered before finding eternal life.

So, off I go. To California. Because the Lord told me to. A new adventure awaits!

Find Part 1 of this essay here.

Essays on Journeys, Part 1: Basic Foundations

By E. B.

Recently, a close, loved one expressed to me the belief that the Lord does not tell us to do the same things He has asked those in the scriptures.

He does. In fact, He tells us almost the EXACT same things. Because the gospel does not change, and neither does His love and knowledge of us.

I find that this is a common belief, both among the religious and the nonreligious. While it is becoming less and less of a challenge for me to question the direction I receive from the Lord, I find that those around me, ranging from the very close to the very distant, struggle to believe I'm not completely insane. Or those who think I am truthful, wonder: why doesn't He talk to ME like that?

The Lord speaks to us as we would understand, and He gives it to us line upon line, precept upon precept. So, here is a list of base-work truths that need to be in place.

1. You have to be willing to ask Him. See James 1:5.

2. You have to believe He will answer. This is a little more complicated to understand, but our dear friend Elder Bednar sheds some light on how really do this in his April 2008 General Conference talk, "Ask in Faith."

3. He doesn't give us things to do that are beyond our capabilities, but a lot of those capabilities are dependent on restraints we have set on our selves. The Lord is not limited to what we say He is, but we are limited when we limit our faith. He doesn't need you to do what He wants, but it is a blessing for you to get a special part in His great big plan---even if that role is not what we consider big or special. You limit yourself when you say no, or when you say it cannot be done.

Tip to the wise: Don't be rude to someone you are asking things from. That is just logic and common sense. Also, note that pain and anger, especially during trials, are understandable--and I would expect the Lord understands who will have what reactions to what life brings. However, He absolutely does not tolerate rebellion.

I say all of this because I am about to embark on a journey that does not necessarily have an end, that began with a question about money. I prayed about it, and while I prepared for this year's April General Conference, I threw it on the list of things I expected/hoped/wanted to get from the meeting.  I am going to California...for the summer...I think. None of it makes a ton of sense, and I don't actually have all the pieces of what the plan is. But because I know, without a doubt that I am embarking to California on a journey of which the Lord is sending me, I go.

For anyone who really wants the exact details, see my next post, entitled "Essays on Journeys, Part 2: The Assignment."