In spite of my tears, I feel peace

By Erin P.

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time of year.  It is a time for us to focus on what is really important, and to give appreciation for all of the wonderful blessings we have.  But Thanksgiving is also a sad time for me.  Fifteen years ago, while I was visiting my siblings in California for Thanksgiving, my brother, Jon, died in a car accident.  He was delivering pizzas for his job, the roads were slick.  He went around a curve in the road and lost control of his car, swerving into oncoming traffic.  The doctors told us that he was dead before ever getting to the hospital.  

Although much of that day is a blur, there are certain images and feelings that are seared into my mind forever.  I remember getting the phone call telling us to go to the hospital as soon as possible.  After getting the call, Laurie asked if I would say a prayer.  During my prayer I asked Heavenly Father to please help Jon be all right.  I started crying.  I knew that he wasn’t.  When we got to the hospital and told them who we were there to see, and they double checked the name a few times, I knew that he wasn’t okay.  When instead of taking us to see him they took us to a room and a doctor started talking to us, I knew that he wasn’t okay.  

The rest of my visit to California is a blur.  Somehow Becky, Matt and I drove back to Utah.  I know I left a message for my roommates so that I wouldn’t have to talk about it when I got back.  Someone in my parent’s ward used frequent flier miles to get Becky and I home for the funeral.  

I did a lot of crying that week.  And a lot of praying.  I had been taught my whole life that we aren’t gone when we die.  That our spirits live on and we will be resurrected and reunited with our families one day, all because of the gift of our Savior.  I believed these things, but that belief had never been tested.  It is often through our trials that we gain strength, and this was true for me in this.  I can’t even count the number of times where I felt the Holy Ghost giving me comfort, like a huge hug, during these days when everything was still so raw and new.  

Even still, when I feel sad, or when I miss my brother, I can feel comfort.   I know that he is not gone, just away for a while.  I know that I will see him again.  I know that my husband and children, who don’t know Jon, will have their chance to become friends.  I know that he is okay.  Even as I write this, I cry because I miss my brother, and because the pain is still real.  But I don’t have to carry that pain alone, and in spite of my tears, I feel peace.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” 

Matthew 28:6 “He is not here: for he is risen, as he said.”

So on Thanksgiving, I am especially grateful for my Savior.  For making it possible for me to see my brother again.

How have you felt God's love in your time of loss? During the Thanksgiving season, how do you show your gratitude for Jesus's sacrifice for you?

We've got a runner.

By Emma

I am not a kid person anymore—but I am a nanny. I became a nanny because I am not a kid  person anymore. I’ve been in college, traveled, and been a corporate monkey; to be honest it felt like a pointless game. My minutes on the time clock were wasted on my hourly wage, but my time spent in service has always felt worthwhile.

This is how I got to be blocking the front door from an almost 8 year-old boy from running away from home. Danny’s birthday was coming up and he got rudely aggressive about his presents. In truth it was a very Dudley Dursley moment (“36…that’s two less than last year!”). (Yes, that is a Harry Potter reference.) There was crying; there was screaming. I’m sure something was thrown. It culminated in doors slamming and tears.

“He’s running away,” said a brother from the couch. The tone in his voice was more impressed at the extreme than surprised. I followed out the door. Danny turned, ran back inside, hugged his tattle-tale brother (his dramatic “I’ll miss you” was almost lost in his brother’s shoulder), and started for the door again.

I caught him there. I am still not a kid person.

There was hitting and screaming. There was crying. Two brothers and I sat and watched as Danny tried to unlock the door and leave again. Keeping him inside the house was all I could think to do—I’d only known the kid for a week.

“I want to leave! No one loves me! I don’t want to be part of this family anymore! Anywhere is better than here!”

There was some wrestling for the phone. There was more screaming. Then came the tears and  he sobbed. I held him.

It reminded me of my mother, when she held me as I screamed those same words at her. My rant hadn’t been about presents, but I suppose in hindsight my ingratitude doesn’t need to be founded in anything. I heard the same words in my head then as I did the day I held that little screaming boy who wanted to run away: if only you knew how much you are loved.

I can’t say that the little boy is better or worse. I am still not much of a kid person, but that little boy is loved by a Father in Heaven, just like me. I got to be reminded of that. That love means the world to me. I am grateful to have it. Having faith in that love makes all the difference.

John 3:16: ¶For ^aGod so ^bloved the ^cworld, that he ^dgave his ^eonly begotten ^fSon, that whosoever ^gbelieveth in him should not perish, but have ^heverlasting ⁱlife.

How has the knowledge of God's love blessed your life?

Conversion, the Atonement, and the Change of Heart

By Allie D.

One thing we know from the gospel is that the ultimate goal of everything we go through is to bring us back to God's presence. The things that separate us from God are sin and death. Alma taught that the Atonement bringeth to pass the resurrection of the dead. The Atonement, however, also offers us salvation from the damning effects of sin, which preclude us from joining God. We overcome sin by accessing the Atonement through repentance. These aspects of Jesus's atonement give us the opportunity to overcome both sin and death, and live with God, happily, forever, in our eternal families, as we make and keep sacred covenants such as the ones we make at baptism. Because of the Atonement, we can be assured of the possibility of happiness in the eternities, having perfect bodies, being united with God and all our loved ones.

However, a truly miraculous aspect of the gift of the Atonement is that we don’t have to wait for the Resurrection, after we are dead, to enjoy it--and make no mistake, the Atonement is a gift that is meant to be enjoyed. We are meant to enjoy it. God yearns for us to take this gift with both hands, and clasp it to our hearts, and cling to it and use it every single day. He longs for us to love this gift and use it to find joy in our day to day lives, here and now.

God begs us to use the Atonement to repent, to receive divine forgiveness of our sins. This forgiveness is one of the many reasons we chose to be baptized with the authority of the priesthood, and why it feels so breathtakingly amazing to get out of that water, knowing that you've left your sins behind. God wants us to feel that post-baptismal joy all the time. That’s why we meet here every week, to renew our baptismal covenants through the taking of the bread and water, and hopefully to find the same joy each week as we partake of the sacrament as we did when we were baptized. God loves us and wants us to consistently experience the joy that comes from His forgiveness.

God wants us to use the Atonement to find joy in our forgiveness of others. A few years ago, my family found out that my disabled brother had been horribly and intentionally hurt and that he would suffer the consequences of another person’s evil for the rest of his life. This was after he broke his hip. I was asked not to tell my other brother, Sam, who was serving a mission at the time, out of concern for his state of mind. But I felt strongly that I should tell him, and I did. And that knowledge broke his heart just as it broke ours.

But he wasted no time in accessing the Atonement. He knelt down to pray and gave that burden over to Jesus Christ, whose Atonement enabled Him to take the weight off my brother’s shoulders. And that night, my younger brother was filled with forgiveness for my older brother’s assailant. Through the miracle of the Atonement, in the darkest hour my brother was able to find peace. It was through the Atonement that I myself eventually found peace regarding that situation. You can’t have joy without peace in your heart. God desires for us to seek that peace, so we can feel that joy.

The Atonement heals us from our sorrows, when we use it for that purpose. As part of the Atonement, Jesus became one with each of us, personally and literally experiencing everything that each of us has gone through and will go through. Because of his intimate and first-hand experience with our personal trials, He knows exactly how to comfort us. When we are brave enough to hand over the angers and the sorrows, the disappointments, the doubts, the regrets that we cling to--when we are brave enough to pry our fingers off those things and hand them with open palms to Jesus Christ, He takes them from us. The more completely we turn our burdens over to Him, the more completely He takes them from us.

If you’ve ever been motivated by anger, or revenge, or guilt, or bitterness, you know it can feel as though those things are occupying important and irreplaceable parts of your heart. It can feel as though without those things, you’ll be left with just a hole. But in reality, when we give those poisoned pieces of our hearts to Jesus Christ, He heals us, and fills our hearts with love and light.

When Adam and Eve first partook of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and first realized the difference between right and wrong, the first thing they realized was that being naked in public is wrong. So they tried to hide their nakedness by making themselves clothes of leaves.

When The Lord found them and they confessed what had happened, and that they were trying to hide their nakedness now that they knew public nudity was wrong, He was understanding of their clothing predicament and made for them garments of skins, to keep them safe from both the sin of being inappropriately nude, and from physical discomfort. When we show The Lord our own spiritual nakedness, He clothes our hearts in figurative garments just as He first clothed Adam and Eve, and for the same purpose: The Lord longs to offer us the warmth and the protection and the strength and the peace that come from being enrobed in His forgiveness, His love, and His righteousness--but, like Adam and Eve, we have to seek Him, give up our fig leaves without reserve, and accept His offering to us in return.

We can use the Atonement in our daily lives: it is as simple as asking God for help in its application. If you don't know how to use the Atonement, pray and ask. God wants to answer that question. He wants you to use the Atonement every day and love it.

Preach My Gospel states that everything that is unfair about life can be made fair through the Atonement. In the eternities, God uses the Atonement to repay us with joy for every sorrow we experience on earth. And God delights in the chance to reward us with joy for our sorrows.

The Atonement enables us to experience the mighty change of heart that makes us more like Christ--the change of heart crucial to our salvation. As the first prophet of the Restoration taught, a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has the power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation. Taking advantage of Jesus's sacrifice for us requires sacrifices of our own, as we give away all our sins to know Him, as Lamoni of old. No unclean thing can enter into the kingdom of heaven. Jesus's Atonement enables us to repent so that we can become clean, new creatures in Christ, and return to God's presence. When we repent, we allow God and Jesus Christ to change our hearts so we no longer desire to do evil.

It is one thing to believe that Jesus is the Christ, and another to let that belief work in us until we are changed. We are saved by His grace when we are changed by His grace.

I know that Jesus is our Savior, the only means whereby man can be saved and receive true peace and joy. I know He loves us.

D&C 19:16-19:For behold, I, God, have ^asuffered these things for all, that they ^bmight not suffer if they would ^crepent; But if they would not repent they must ^asuffer even as I; But if they would not repent they must ^asuffer even as I; Which ^asuffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might ^bnot drink the bitter cup, and shrink—Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and^afinished my preparations unto the children of men.

How has the Atonement impacted your life? Have you ever felt the peace that comes from repentance?

God's Love in the Sunset

By Allie D.

When I was a junior in college, my laptop broke—and when I say “broke,” I mean it broke. No one could fix it. And when I finally realized that no one could fix it, I freaked. I had assignments due and reports to write and a computer was necessary.

I ended up spending that afternoon in the university library, using one of the library computers. I’m a Mac person and the only computers available were Windows; I didn’t know how to use the computer and it was extremely frustrating. On top of that, I’ll admit I’m kind of a germaphobe—all I could think of was how many unwashed hands had probably touched the very same keyboard and mouse I was now using. Gross. By the end of four hours of that, I was about ready to cry.

As I left the library, I offered up a silent prayer: help me to know that things will be all right. I turned and walked out of the west exit of the library, and was immediately astonished by the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen.

This is for you, I heard in my mind, a message from the Holy Ghost. And then I really did cry, because I knew that God was aware of my situation, and my desperation, and that He loved me. I felt His love so strongly, and I knew in that moment that the sunset really was just for me. It was for everyone else in the world, too, you know, but in that moment, it felt like God has just sent me my own personal love letter. I knew that I was on His mind.

I think of that experience often now—every time I immerse myself in the beauties of nature, or every time I see a particularly spectacular sunset. Sometimes I see one of those beautiful sunsets and I wonder who it’s for—who Heavenly Father is trying to communicate with through the wonders of the natural world.

I know that God loves us each personally, and that He is deeply aware of all of our trials and concerns. A broken laptop is not such a big deal, when you compare it to things like war and devastating poverty. But it was a big deal to me that day, and God knew it and He understood and sent me a message of His love.

God loves you, too.

Romans 8:37-39: No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

How have you felt God’s love in your life lately?